I’m not sure what I expected from a game called Priest Simulator. Maybe you’ll listen to someone’s confession and choose from a drop-down list the penance to assign to the sinner? Maybe you spin a thumbstick and shake it… that brass thing, whatever it is, is on a chain and then comes out something like… smoke, steam, or incense ?
Sorry, I wasn’t raised with religion and never pursued it as an adult. The last time I entered a church was in Half-Life 2 with Father Grigori. It’s a simulation game where you play as a Priest, and it’s nothing like what you see in the Priest his simulator trailer. It begins with a terrifying voice proclaiming, “Hell is my playground!” Before the priest violently punches through the air in first person and starts sending fireballs at some sort of giant spider perched atop the ruins of the city.
Other highlights: A bus is picked up and thrown off the roof of a building, though it’s unclear if the priest is responsible or just a witness. This time it’s either the devil or someone with the head of a devil mascot. Metal music resounds throughout.
Then, at least, we see a confession. at last! A real priest. “It means nothing to my family,” says the wide-eyed (probably lidless) woman. “Honor your father and mother,” the priest chooses from a variety of choices, receiving what is believed to be a total of 7 priest points (?) for making the correct choice.
We next see a priest, with a blade tied to the back of one hand and a large hammer in the other, brutally killing large numbers of people and monsters, first in the forest and then in the cemetery . He drives, chugs wine, and buys a bag of communion concentrate. There’s a lot going on, and it hardly fits my poor knowledge of what priests do.
According to developer Asmodev, Priest Simulator is an “action mockumentary” that introduces you to the “fantastic world of modern Poland.” I honestly can’t speculate on the veracity of that statement, but one reviewer said, “I’m Polish and I can confirm that this is a 100% realistic Polish priest simulator.” .i can’t confirm either that No effort is made to do so.
game (which Available today on Steam) is “a vampire priest who wants to take back the baton and return to Hell. To do so, he must fight the hordes of Satanism, fortify, renovate the church, and collect splendor.” You can also dual-wield one weapon. Neither feels like enough weapons, but at the same time he feels like 8 weapons is too much for a priest.
Priest Simulator is in early access and we plan to add a lot more over the next 4-8 months, including new quests and music. There are currently 27 reviews on Steam, all positive. Amen.